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By: David K. Every
& Daniel Fanton
(C) Copyright 1999 DKE - All Rights Reserved.
System 7.0 CD
These eggs were in the Developers Released versions.
Parade
One of the more elaborate CD Eggs was going to be Parade. This was hidden on the CD containing version 7.0a9 (and was going to sneak into the release).
It worked something like this: an alert came up when you booted the software. This alert had a bunch of legalese about no warranty and pre-release software, and you had to dismiss it to continue the booting process. But if you left the alert alone for ten minutes, then the parade would start.
It began by having an animated band leader push the text of the alert out of the way.
Then a curtain would come down behind him as the music started to play (a 1954 recording of Kid Ory's Creole Good Time Jazz Band performing When the Saints Go Marching In).
Across the screen marched an assortment of circus performers carrying a banner.
The banner had a lot of text about the people on the project:
System 7.0a9 Parade Text
Ladies & Gentlemen! Apple System Software is proud to welcome you to System 7.0a9, the greatest AppleEvent on this or any disk! Prepare yourself to be blown away by some of the most rip-roaring wildass craziness you have ever had the pleasure of viewing with wide-mouthed drooling awe! Gasp in astonishment as you are carried on a magic carpet ride by the meanest of the Meanies, Chris Derossi! Don't dare to blink lest you miss the wacky artistry of Mike Reed and Sheila Brady! Delight as that Dominator of Deft Derring-do, Jeff Miller, wrassles the whining Snarfman to the muddy ground! Writhe in awe as Bruce Leak and Konstantine Othmar feverishly flail on the high wire in their wildman act "Wrangling Welterweights of the Ramada Inn!" Shield your eyes lest ye be blinded by the wondrous gleaming mirror and visage reflected therein. Thrill as the TextEdit queen, Sue Bartalo, beautifully balances her way across a screaming pit of wild-italic characters! Watch with eyes like saucers as Bill Bruffey and Kenny Tung climb the vicious, Man-eating B-Tree! Pray and then cry "Huzzah!" for Jay Patel as he lays into the livid LaserWriter 7.0, but save first. Blush as Fonts scale to any size, fitting into any centerfold or black velvet painting, thanks to Mike Reed, Charlton Lui, Richard Becker, Lynn Bekkala, Tom Rickert, Beaker, and Debra Herman! Stare in starry eyed amazement at our own dog-faced boy, Dave Feldman, as he drives the hair-raising HFS hounds of Hell through flaming hoops! See the infinitely tiny yet insanely rabid AppleEvents as they voraciously demand more limbs and bodies on their pyre (beyond even those of Mike Farr, Ronny Metzker, Ed Lai, and Paul Snively). Gasp in stark amazement as applications publish and subscribe at the deft pixie-like whims of those ever-fanciful Edition Managers, Tom Ryan, Nick Kledzik, and Vincent Lo! Run screaming from the room as Bobby Carp risks all in his frantic Installer Script hula dance! Write your will before you descend to the deepest depths of the dangerous Doppelganger Dungeon of Death to relax to melodic tunes sung by Prashant Patel and his parasitic pit vipers! Anesthetize your adenoids and Sing Alleluia at the agile and alluring antics of Donn Denman's amorous ants! Have your skirts blown over your heads in the MultiFinder FunHouse, run by our own Fun Meister, Dave Harrison! Tremble as the Raster PrintDrivers rip Nik Bhatt into tiny pieces. Mind your toes as the wild BootBlocks Scheme, and the New Patch Scheme ridden in tandem by our own roughrider, Darin Adler, are driven frantically in circles in the recreation of the Chariot race from Ben Hur! Shudder as Jay Moreland once again demonstrates his mastery over morbid, macabre, and mutinous mouse nuts. (Watch out for squirting blood...) Roll your eyes in fear as those dazzling acrobats Bruce Jones, Frank Stanbach, and Bobby Carp juggle multiple knife-edged disks in a sweat-drenched yet delicate ballet of death! Crack open your JD and prepare to breathe deep lest you faint in awe at the nubile navigations of our Rubber Boys, Byron Han, Jerry Godes, and Alex Kazim! Perceive the perspicatious perambulations of our VM strongman, Joe Buczek, as he lugs a langourous locomotive with his trembling teeth! Laugh as those feisty Fizzling Finder clowns (John Meier, scott douglass, Dave Owens, John Sullivan, Bryan Stearns, and Phac LeTuan) assume aliases, commit faux pas, and fervidly fence with a fleet of festive femme fatales! But turn your heads away as the the lascivious Paul Mercer issues ultimatums from his Slimebucket of Doom! Shake your heads in amazement as Victor Chang and his lovely assistant Sangam heave heavy sighs and hoist huge hairy hippos in acrobatic acrostics! Marvel at Ed Tecot, the rare reducing riparian orangutan from the rainy riverways of Rwanda, (captured by Kevin McDonnell, Scott Boyd, Dave Collins, Tantek Celik, and Dave Good) as it wriggles its furry bulk into a size 36 Maidenform cross-your-heart bra! Let tears fill your eyes as you smile at the winsome hair-dying antics of the FileShare team: Ruth Hennigar, Pat Dirks, Pat Dyson, Greg Vaughan, Tim Harrington and twelve unconscious dalmations! Tremble in fear as Alan Oppenheimer drives his lusty AppleTalk 2.1 motorcycle of death! Experience stiction firsthand as Cannonballer Peter Edberg flings his entire lifework into the ravenous maw of a raunchy radiologist! Hold your ears, your socks, your stomach as the Sound Manager plays multiple channels with nary a commercial interruption thanks to Neil Cormia and Kip Olson. There's even Balloon Help for the kiddies being handed out by Randy Carr, and John Trumbull! Throughout the madness, your Ringleader, Maura McNamara, will be your guide with her team of Sea Monkeys, Dana Rader, Tom D'Arezzo, and Brenda Rodgers! Blessings upon our sugar daddy, Gifford Calenda, from whom all blessings flow! Mille grazia to Peter Trump and Gary Davis who disk-ipline the show! Come One! Come All! Rev your app and join the fun! Our grateful thanks to all those circus roadies we love so much including Tom Anderson, Steve Smith, Leona Guthrie, Diana Adamic, Peter Martin, George Jarrett, Andy Yarborough, Kevin Aitken, J. McKellar, Balcer, Gomes, Darin Litzinger, Pam Martin, Melissa Rogers, James Glanville, Eric House, James Bach, Brian McGhie, Greg Marriott, Jim Mang, Gary English, Waymen, Linda Curry, Don Veca, Braz, Don Johnson, Don Marsh, Chia Chi Chou, Mary Burke, Richard Dizmang, Laile Disilvetri, Megan Landry, Pace Bonner, Eric Anderson, Bonnie Collier, John Fulleman, Sean Findley, Ken Feehan, Jean-Louis Gassee, Mike Wallace, Giorgianne, Carol Crews, Ben Beaseley, Richard Holmes, Eric Trehaus, Sharon Everson, Trish Eastman just to name a few! And finally, thanks to Kid Ory's Creole Good Time Jazz Band in 1954 who really knew how to get those saints a-hopping!
Not A Parade
Version 7.0a12 also went out on a CD, and they didn't take the time to make something as cool as the parade. But they just couldn't bear to put nothing at all in its place. One of the things developers would do is use MacsBug to defeat the 10 minute time delay on the a9 parade. Greg Mariott thought this was cheating, so made it extra hard (i.e impossible) to defeat the time delay on the secret boot-time Easter Egg in 7.0a12. After 7 minutes of waiting (7 minutes was far more appropriate than 10 minutes...) a still shot came on the screen. No music, no animation. It was really lame compared to the parade, but Greg thought it was way better than nothing.
The text in the
upper-right corner says:
"Parade brought to you by C.Derossi, M. Reed,
D. Adler & S. Brady.
Lack of Parade brought to you by G. Marriott."
Sheila Brady was the main artist on the parade, and on the non-parade. This was all info obtained from Gred Marriot's Web Site.
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